I Would Chuck Chuck If I Could Chuck Chuck

by John P. Verderame

Introduction

This is a book that should not have to be written, but it does. I am going to start with a Big Bang: Evolution is STUPID, and it's about time people chuck Chuck Darwin, but we just can't seem to let go of him. Or is that Him, with a capital H? Evolution has a grip on the world, and it won't let go of us. Even though most people recognize its stupidity, they refuse to openly acknowledge it, are afraid to do so, and keep on coming up with dumber and dumber stories that supposedly "prove" it, when it's simply not something that can be proven. Every few months a new "pre-human" surfaces in the news, and the headlines scream that "THE HISTORY OF MAN WILL HAVE TO BE RE-WRITTEN!" Or some new fossil is discovered that "overturns" our former ideas about how life evolved. Or astronomers find some new "evidence" in support of a universe that sprang out of nothing and made itself, and they add a billion years or subtract a billion years at whim. After all, who's counting? We're all stardust? Bull twaddle. And it's about time someone just comes out and says so.

This book is not for complacent or apathetic people. So, if that's you, don't read it. It's for people who want to THINK about what they've been led to believe, which is a pack of lies called evolution. It's for people who want out of the Chuck Darwin Club, but just can't do it, or are afraid to criticize or condemn what they know in their hearts is not true. It's for kids who are being indoctrinated, and not being allowed to think and formulate their own thoughts and opinions on the issue. It's for those who refuse to be told they came from chimpanzees, and who know that's plain STUPID, but they're afraid to confront others who are insisting that either you believe what the Chuck Darwin Club says, or you're an outcast of society, uneducated, or otherwise less evolved than they are.

There's going to be a lot of sarcasm and some humor in this book, and I make no apologies for either. Neither do I make apologies for calling the promoters of evolution, those who have something to lose by abandoning it, the Chuckie Dee Club, because it reminds me of W. C. Fields and his "chickadees" and many Darwinists are just chickens, and afraid to admit the whole thing is a sham. I believe firmly that if they could chuck Chuck, they would chuck Chuck, and if this book convinces a few people to stand up and speak out against what they KNOW is not true, then I've accomplished my purpose.

One thing you will hear repeatedly in the following pages is that I don't care what you believe about where everything came from, why it's here, and where it's going. Rather, I care about your being willing to step out and admit that evolution is stupid, and that it's about time we chuck it into the trash heaps of philosophy, history, biology, astronomy, geology and whatever other trash heaps we want to toss it into. Because that's where it belongs. It's time to chuck Chuck Darwinism and all its attendant lies, fables, stories, and STUPIDITY. Stand up and say it's wrong. You know it is.

Chapter 1 : Sex, Birds and Bees

It all started out with the kissing bacteria. Yes, sex sells, so we're going to begin with sex cells. My friend Charlie and I sat in a theatre in a science museum – was it Baltimore, or the Smithsonian? – I don't recall. But we were watching a movie about evolution, and they were showing how sex evolved.

So, there were these bacteria, see, swimming around having a good time. They really seemed to be pretty happy, so who knows what prompted them to want to kiss, but they did just that. Two bacteria kissed each other. Right there on the screen. And the next thing you know, they turned into men and women. Funny thing, I don't recall if they showed the men and women kissing, but the bacteria were not that offensive. So that was sex evolution. Kissing bacteria turning into men and women. If not for those adventurous bacteria, just look at all the fun we'd miss!

Fast forward about 20 years to another museum. This time my wife Laura and I are in London, at the Museum of Natural History. And now we're talking about flying, because there's a big display on how flight evolved in birds. A big, dumb display. Because it only talks about wings, and there's a whole lot more to flying than just growing a pair of wings, but the Chuckie Dee Club doesn't want you to think about that. Just look at the display and let them do the thinking for you. But I'm afraid that's not me. So I started thinking about what I was seeing.

Now, we had just spent all this money to fly across the ocean in a big giant hunk of roaring metal called a jet, and here I am watching a video showing how wings evolved, and thinking, "Man, Mother Nature could have saved us all that time and trouble having to come up with jets if we just could have done what these guys did!" "These guys" were lizards. And they learned to fly and became birds. I mean, it was RIGHT THERE on a video they were showing as part of the display! But the makers of the video weren't quite sure which story was right, so they presented two stories, and let the watcher decide. I liked that. I could decide how birds became birds and learned to fly. I didn't need anyone to tell me. So, what were the choices?

Well, on the one hand you had lizards running downhill. Once they got to cruising speed, they started flapping their arms. And – the video actually SHOWED their arms turning into wings, and they took off into the wild blue yonder! So, if it was on a "science" video, it MUST be true, right?!

On the other hand, there were the tree lizards. Now, these guys learned to fly by jumping off branches! When they realized they were falling, they started flapping their arms, and sure enough the video actually SHOWED their arms turning into wings, before they hit the ground, in which case they would not have been much use to evolution, but the video makers somehow missed that point. This was a "science" video, after all, and somebody must have known what they were talking about, or they wouldn't have made it, and it certainly would not have been up to snuff for a prestigious institution such as the London Museum of Natural History, right?

So, what's my point in relating these stories about sex and flight? THEY'RE STUPID. REALLY STUPID. But, only REALLY SMART PEOPLE believe them, and they belong to the Chuck Darwin Club. And once you're a member of the CDC, it's very hard to get out. They have ways of keeping you in. I know. I used to be a member. And CDC members want YOU to think that THEY are really smart, so that you'll just accept what they tell you without thinking about it.

Let me give you just one reason why stories like how lizards leaned to fly are stupid. As I said before, flight is more than just wings. It's like saying if you just put wings on a big, wide, long tube, it'll be able to fly people across the world. Birds need more than wings to fly. They need just the right feathers, the right bones, the right muscles, the right respiratory system, the right weight, the right shape, and – get this – the ABILITY. Or did they just evolve that from thin air ( a pun, yes, a bad pun)? They need their brains to be wired up for flight. So, where did THAT come from? An explosion? THINK about this stuff. DON'T JUST ACCEPT IT.

Let's talk about birds some more. Birds build nests. Any Chuck Darwin Club members ever think about where birds got the ability to build nests? Did it just pop into their brains, and they just "happened" to be able to do it, just like that? And where did they live before they had nests? And what about every other creature that builds nests, or other habitats? Did the idea of how to do it just pop into their evolved minds one day? EVERY ONE OF THEM EVOLVED THE KNOWLEDGE OF HOW TO BUILD THEIR NESTS??? AND WHERE DID THEY LIVE BEFORE THAT? How come we don't have millions of fossils of attempts to build nests as creatures evolved this knowledge? Because it's STUPID, that's why. It's dumb to think that that ability just popped out of nowhere, or slowly evolved into the minds of animals and bugs and other creatures.

Chapter 2: Mysteries of the Universe Revealed!

You are about to be introduced to mysteries of the universe, hidden until now within the confines of the Chuck Darwin Club. You will realize that you may well be part of the Club, but not even know it. I have penetrated their Inner Sanctimoniums, exposed their priests (now, don't take that literally), learned their tricks, memorized their stories, and ESCAPED TO TELL ABOUT IT! We will follow a logical progression, which is just what Chuckie Dee Clubbers think they always do, until their hearers actually think about what they're saying. Here we go...

Where Did We Come From?

Now, let's get serious here. Ok, let's not. I've read lots of material both for and against the Chuck Darwin Club. Most of it takes this stuff way too seriously. I think we need to point out the fact that there's plenty to laugh at, and then laugh at it. Like bacteria kissing and wings popping up on falling lizards, for instance. But that's only the tip of the coprolite pile (if you don't know what coprolite is, you'll have to look it up. I'm trying to encourage you to think for yourself here).

Let's start with the Big Bang. Now, guys, we like blowing things up and things that go "bang!" – isn't that true? I know I did when I was a kid. My brother almost blew off some fingers with a firecracker. Now that was cool, right? Cherry bombs in cans. Playing war games. Even though the A-bomb was a fearful thing, deep inside we thought it was cool. We used to talk about how Russia had enough A-bombs to blow up the world seven times over. Didn't matter whether or not it was true. WHOA! SEVEN TIMES?! Now, THAT'S POWER! We gotta catch up with them Russkies FAST.

When we weren't blowing things to smithereens, we were figuring out how to control explosions. That's how cars were invented. And rockets. And we know cars and rockets are cool, because they're controlled explosions.

So, what if someone came up with the Mother of all Explosions? Well, of course it took a Russian to do it (I'm talking Cold War era, now, so don't get politically correct with me). Physicist George Gamow developed the concept (initiated earlier by Georges Lemaitre, a Roman Catholic priest), of a sort of explosion that made the universe, and an astronomer named Fred Hoyle thought it was dumb and sarcastically called it the "Big Bang." Obviously Hoyle did not know cool when he heard it. I mean, an explosion that made everything?! Who could top THAT?

Ok, let's get something clear now. Some guys in the Chuck Darwin Club don't like anybody calling it an "explosion." They say the universe just started expaaaanding, like a balloon that's being blown up. Well, if you blow up a balloon enough, what happens? It EXPLODES. Why can't these guys see this? Oh well... And if that's not bad enough, they say the balloon started out just as a point, about the size of a period like the one at the end of this sentence. Are you following here? EVERYTHING - including you, me, cats, rain, planets, trains, the Rolling Stones, hamburgers with the works, EVERYTHING started out from something the size of this ( . ). If you are a member of the Chuck Darwin Club, and you do not believe this, you will face serious consequences.

CDC SECRET #1: WE DON'T ASK WHERE THE PERIOD CAME FROM.
You see, Chuck Darwin Club members don't like questions like that. The period was just THERE, OK? Space did not exist yet, even though the period was taking up space. And there was just nothing before the period existed. And the period started to expand, or be blown up, or whatever happened. And eventually hamburgers came out of it, so just be quiet or have your membership revoked.

So that's how it all started. Period. But how did hamburgers come from it? Well, as we noted already, the period started to expand... Wait!

CDC SECRET #2: WE DON'T ASK WHY THE PERIOD STARTED EXPANDING.
It just did, ok? We can prove it on a blackboard. Now, let's get back to the mysteries and secrets of the Universe. So, the period started expanding, creating space as it went. And then matter came into existence... Wait!
CDC SECRET #3: WE INVENT UNPROVABLE, UNTESTABLE STORIES ABOUT HOW MATTER CAME FROM THE PERIOD, WHICH CAME FROM NOTHING, MEANING MATTER CAME FROM NOTHING, WHICH WE DENY BECAUSE THEN WE'D HAVE TO COME UP WITH WHAT WAS THERE BEFORE THE PERIOD, WHICH WAS NOTHING, SO WE JUST SAY THE PERIOD POPPED INTO EXISTENCE, AND WE DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT WAS THERE BEFORE THAT. GET IT? OH, AND WE ALSO CALL THE PERIOD A "SINGULARITY" BECAUSE THAT MAKES US SOUND SMART.
If you ask what was there before the "singularity," you'll just be told that it doesn't matter where matter came from because matter only matters because matter exists. Get it? You have just been introduced to an unwritten rule of the Chuck Darwin Club: Don't ask too many questions, and if you do, don't expect any logical answers. Just accept what you're told by the "experts" and move on. After all, they have worked all this out on blackboards, and it doesn't matter whether reality is involved or not.

Ok, so matter then started spinning. Oh no, here we go again...

CDC SECRET #4: WE DON'T KNOW WHY IT STARTED SPINNING. IT JUST DID. THEREFORE WE HAVE INVENTED STORIES TO EXPLAIN IT.
Look around you. Everything spins. Particles spin, planets spin, moons spin, galaxies spin. and it appears the whole universe is spinning. Things just don't spin on their own, right? It's a scientific principle that angular motion (spinning) can only be produced by an outside force, right? But the Club says that's EXACTLY what everything did – it started spinning – and you need not question why. Which is stupid, but you have to be really smart to believe this stuff. Just don't THINK about it, and you'll be fine. The universe spins. Within the universe, galaxies are spinning. Within those galaxies, stars are spinning. Around those stars (at least one for sure), planets are spinning. Around those planets, moons are spinning. Your head is now spinning. And it should be, because spinning does not start on its own, with no outside influence, so it's stupid to insist that it did.

We'll get back to where we came from, and sex, and all that, later. But first, we need to talk about stupidity, and how that evolved.

Chapter 3: Stupidity

You will notice that the word "STUPID" is being used frequently here. That is an offensive word, which is good. Now, I'm a nice guy, and would not call anyone stupid, especially if he's bigger than me. But boy, do we believe some stupid stuff. And often we don't even realize how stupid it is till it's too late. Just look at some of the stuff of the past that was called "science." Ever heard of "phlogiston"? Science is always changing its tune, and that's fine, because it's supposed to be about testing, and proving, and demonstrating repeatability. NONE of which is possible with the Big Bang and Evolution from mud to mom, but they just can't admit it and get over it.

Now, we might believe something just because someone told us to, or we might believe it because we're really convinced it's true, or we might believe it out of fear (of peer reprisal or that we'll lose our job or position, or whatever), or we might believe something just because we don't care and don't want to be bothered really thinking about it because we have "better things to do." However, the questions involved with evolution are the kind that we just can't ignore: Where did I come from? Why am I here? Where am I going? According to evolution, you came from slime that turned itself into Slim, you're here to pass on your genes (even though we can't tell you how they evolved), and you're going back to the slime you came from as fodder for future evolution. Now, AIN'T THAT GREAT? So, why do we even BOTHER getting all uptight about this stuff then? Do CATS get all upset worrying about who they are? There must be something different about people, that we're so interested in these questions, right?

As I told you, I used to belong to the Chuck Darwin Club. I first began to unlock the mysteries of the Club before going to college. I took a trip out to the western USA with two of my cousins. Had to convince dad and mom (more the former) to let me go, but finally my uncle, who was more of a free spirit, prevailed, and we all hopped into an enormous Olds 98 complete with cruise control, and pointed the car west. That is where I had one of my most memorable life experiences that changed me forever. Stupidity had some part in that experience, but wound up making me a little more able to handle what life had brought my way, and what life would bring my way – so in the end, I was a little smarter, anyway.

After a few stops to see various sights like Devil's Tower in Wyoming, where I now live, John, Greg and I went to Rocky Mountain National Park, in Colorado. We had read in a tour guide about Long's Peak. At over 14,000 feet above sea level, you could climb to the top of the mountain without climbing gear, we were told. So, that's what we wanted to do. None of us had any kind of gear. No backpack. No knives. No food. I guess we had good climbing shoes, but that was about it. And we had a dose of dumbness, which would also help out. If we'd have known what we were facing, smartness would have told us not to do it.

Oh, I did have a Kodak Instamatic Camera with me, too. We set out on a path marked for Long's Peak, but soon came to a Y in the road, and man, we were stuck. Although there was a sign there directing the way to the peak, to me, it said take one branch of the Y. To John and Greg, it said the opposite. We had a low-level discussion about it for a few minutes, and decided the best thing for a stubborn dog like myself to do was go my way, and they'd go theirs. And that's what changed my life, and I've retraced those footsteps many times since that time, and will follow them to my grave, I'm sure. In fact, that's why Robert Frost's poem, "The Road Not Taken" became my favorite (I'll mention it again later).

As I started up the path I was sure would lead me to triumph on the summit of Long's Peak, an older man was coming toward me. I have often looked back on that and wondered if he was an angel. I just had a weird feeling about him. There was nobody else around, and we exchanged a few words. He looked at me, chuckled, and told me it was a difficult climb ahead, though he thought I could make it. I was young and invincible, and was not about to let that stop me, though the rocks and mountain before me looked pretty formidable.

Kids do stupid things. And they can get away with it sometimes, just because they're kids. So the next thing I know, I'm facing a ledge, and if I don't cross that ledge, I might as well turn back. I had to cross this ledge if I was going to make it to the top. But this wasn't just any ledge. It was about four inches wide, with about a forty foot or more sheer drop below it. Now, there's stupidity with a goal, and there's stupidity for the sake of stupidity. Mine was the former. I was going to cross that ledge, and nothing was going to stop me. My goal was to reach the top of that mountain, and show my cousins and the world that I had taken the correct path. I was right. You don't have to agree with me – just admit I'm right! (I'm thinking of writing another book by that title!)

Heart racing, I stuck my camera inside my belt, and placed my feet sideways on that ledge, pressed myself against the rock, and started inching my way across. Was I scared? Naw! Me? I was petrified! But I was not going to let this mountain defeat me. Then something frightful happened.
My camera slipped out of its nest.
A few seconds later, way down below somewhere, I heard a "PLINK!" and knew that was the end of my camera and any memories recorded on it. But the really scary thing was the split-second decision I had to make to NOT go after the camera as it started to slip from my belt. In the short time between THINK and PLINK, I could literally have died trying to save the thing. Instead, it was now that much easier to slink the rest of the way across the ledge, and I had one less item to preoccupy me as I was trying to cross it.

Obviously, I made it. That's why I can be writing about it now. You know, when you go through something like that, it's not pleasant, but when it's over, that's all you want to talk about. Just like a hurricane, or an earthquake, or some other life-threatening trial.

But the adventure was just beginning. When I got closer to what I thought was the top of the mountain, my eyes looked up, and my heart sank down. Because until that point I was sure that the snow bank ahead was the top, but the awful truth was that the top had been hidden from my view. Now I had to decide: Press on, or give up? I don't give up. Though I had no idea what time it was, had no water or food (I was eating dirty snow to quench my thirst), I was getting to the top of that mountain, and I was going to live to tell about it. At least I hoped so.

Finally, after a forever of climbing over rock, gravel, and snow, the summit was in view, and I knew I would make it. The beauty of the surrounding terrain, the panorama of snow-capped mountains all around, hit me so hard, I just got on my knees and talked to God, even though I didn't know who He was at that time. My heart was racing from the altitude and strain of the climb, and I found some ice to eat beneath a rock to quench my thirst. And then I looked over, and saw that the mountain across the chasm before me seemed just a bit higher than the one I was on. And there were two specks moving up the side of it! I knew they were not my cousins, unless John and Greg had gone out quickly and bought some climbing gear, but they were other humans, and I was glad to see them. I cupped my hands to my mouth, and yelled over, not knowing if they'd hear.
"Helloooo!!!!"
One responded. "Helloooo!"
"What time is it?!!!"
"Mid die!!!!!!"
"WHAT?!"
"MID DIE!!!"
"I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU!!!!!"
With that, they yelled at me about an octave higher, with ascending, then descending tone,
"NEWWWN!!!!"

I then understood that these guys must be Australians, and they were saying, "Mid day!" and "Noon!" So I yelled my "thanks" and was amazed that I had made it up my mountain so quickly, as I thought it was much later. But now I had to get back down. That turned out to be more difficult than the climb up, as I slid down mini avalanches of gravel, trying to dodge huge boulders. There was a way to avoid the ledge I'd had to traverse on the way up, and I found it and took that route, and soon enough was back on level ground, walking down the same path I'd started up early that morning. And who should come walking toward me, but John and Greg?! Amazingly, seven hours after we parted, we met again at almost the same spot. We each gushed out our experience, and as it turned out none of us had taken the right path to Longs Peak, and they wound up going up another mountain, just as I had done. I had climbed 13,911 foot Mount Meeker. But from that experience I'd learned some lessons that I would apply to the rest of my life.

The first lesson was that sometimes you just need to follow your heart. I could have joined John and Greg. I'd have been safer. I'd have had the companionship of other human beings. Even if I were sure the "other route" was the right one, at least I wouldn't be looked at as a rebel, or as wanting my own way, or as being disagreeable, or as a fool for going off on my own, especially with no water or supplies.

But I believed the route I took was the right one, and pursued it to the end, and the experience I had along the way, while difficult and dangerous, doubtful and daunting, in the end proved to be the best route I could have taken. In fact, a few years later I adopted Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken" as my "life poem":

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.



What's the point? The point is that sometimes when we take the road less traveled, the one most people don't take, or won't take, or are too afraid to take, that's the road the makes the most difference in our own lives, and the lives of others around us. Just think of all the people throughout history who didn't just sit back and ride with the tide, but swam against it and changed the world for the better!

I also learned about not giving up. I don't know how many times since that mountaintop experience I have thought my goal was near, only to see it off in the distance, knowing I still had plenty of climbing, bruises and work ahead. Life is like that. Get used to it. If you get knocked down, get up again and move on.

So if you want to go on forcing yourself and others to believe something you know is not true, if you're afraid to go against the tide and speak out agaist falsehood because others will look down on you for standing up for truth, how can you live with that? How can you deliberately continue to lead your and our children down a path that you KNOW is the wrong one, continually inventing stories just to save the party line? You've GIVEN UP. You've surrendered your will to the Club, and you refuse to admit it's so.

Chapter 4: Spinmeisters Extraordinaire

We're getting too serious now. Let's get back to stupidity. Evolution is stupid. I am not going to pussyfoot and pretend it's not, so people will think I'm NOT stupid. I have over 30 years experience with studying the issues involved in evolution, and the more I look into it, the stupider it gets. Now let's continue with the Chuckie Dee Club story of how we got here.

Ok, so everything was spinning. We got that far. But remember those explosions, guys? We're not done yet! Plenty more coming! The next explosions were stars. Now, keep in mind that the Big Burp was the Mother of All Explosions. But when stars explode, that's not exactly kids' stuff either! Here's what the Chuck Darwin Club says:

Inside the stars some elements were forming. Elementary, Watson, right? You bet, Sherlock! And then – we don't know why – some stars started exploding, and spewing those elements all over the universe. Stuff like iron and other metals, which we would eventually need to make cars and other things that work by controlled explosions, was spread all over the place. But then it started getting back together. Try to follow this, now. It's all been proven on the blackboard.

Now, if everything was flying apart, then why did it start getting together again, and why didn't it ALL come together, instead of getting together in groups that would become galaxies, stars and planets? This is one of the myriad mysteries the Chuck Darwin Club has to invent "just-so" stories to explain. Oh, they'll always have some dumb answer, and it won't make sense to you because in reality it EXISTS ON PAPER WITH NO CONNECTION TO REALITY, AND CAN ONLY BE UNDERSTOOD BY AN ELITE PRIESTHOOD.

CDC SECRET #5 is that: ALL EVOLUTION ONLY EXISTS ON PAPER (ok, or a blackboard, which fortunately can be erased, because the story changes daily).
Ooooh, I can just hear Chuckie Club members bristling at that one. They're gonna show ME a thing or two. No they won't. Don't worry about it. Chuck Club members get very angry when backed into a corner, but their bark is much louder than their bite. Evolution from particles to planets, plants and people, exists on paper. It does not exist in the real world. There is not a shred of evidence for it, and it is totally unnecessary to the progress of science or the progress of anything else for that matter.

Oh, back to explosions. Yes, everything started getting together again, and condensing into more stars and even planets. Easy as that! You may have seen a science film or some video that showed it. Things always work out just right in science films, and we all know that whatever we see in a science film MUST be true, right?! You'll see (in the film, that is) these nice clouds of dust and debris (elements) that came from "somewhere" (don't ask). They start getting smaller (condensing) all on their own, for no good reason (any dummy knows that if a gas is left to its own it does not come together and condense into a solid ball, but that doesn't matter to the Chuck Darwin Club). Then the balls form into stars and planets.

I like planets. They really blow evolutionists out of the water (so to speak). At least the ones we know do. If what Chuckie Dee Club members said were true, all the planets of our solar system ALONG WITH THE SUN AND MOON and other planetary satellites, should be made of the same stuff, spin in the same direction, be angled toward the sun the same way. But they're not. It's like someone's out there trying to say, "HELLOOOO!!!" But the Chuck Club members just can't give it up so here we go with more invented stories, like that some monstrous piece of space debris (which we can no longer find, of course) knocked into the earth and the moon came off as a chunk. Now, the moon SURE LOOKS LIKE a hunk of earth that was knocked off, doesn't it? No? Well, then, we'll come up with a new "theory" like that a piece of the earth spun off as the earth was forming. Well, now, if that happened, wouldn't that piece just fly into space instead of ending up in a nice, nearly circular orbit around the earth? Ahhh, but it happened BILLIONS of years ago, and so, once again, we can't prove that the story is dead wrong, because, CONVENIENTLY, it happend SOOOOO LOOOONG AGO!

Look at the earth. How much different from the rest of the planets can you get? And you know, there are some people who believe that there was once a great FLOOD on the earth, that resulted in all the strata and fossils. But not Chuckie Dee Club members. They can't see how that could have happened. But guess what? They DO KNOW THERE WAS A FLOOD ON MARS! Even though there's hardly any visible water there! Isn't that amazing? So people who believe in a Flood on an earth that's almost completely covered with water are dummies, but people who believe in a flood on Mars are intelligent!!!

Chapter 5: SETI, or The Search for Evolutionary Temporary Insanity

All this talk of planets brings something else to mind... The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence, or SETI. Maybe you've heard of it. Thousands of scientists all over the world are waiting for a signal, something like this one:

OERONEONVEONVAISDFSBBTYOUDUMMIESBEIOHRENWAOHPROEBQT
If you analyze the above gibberish closely, you will see that embedded in it is a secret message from an unknown intelligence : YOUDUMMIES. These guys are actually getting paid to listen for a signal from an alien being or civilization, and they are making fools of us earthlings. Why?

Well, apparently it has not occured to them that, if there really IS an alien civilization out there, they'll probably want to DISSECT US or EAT US, or just BLOW US UP for fun. Kinda like we do to each other. Oh, no, WAIT! Of course they'll be a NICE, advanced alien civilization which has figured out how NOT to do those nasty things.
What's really the point of what these SETI people are doing? They insist that there's no evidence of design in life on earth, but they're looking for EVIDENCE OF DESIGN SOMEWHERE ELSE in the universe! Because without design, you have no messenger and no message. They know that, but because they belong to the Chuck Darwin Club, they cannot bring themselves to admit that it is STUPID to say that you yourself show no evidence of design, while looking for a message from a civilization that does. But, let's get more practical and down-to-earth for a minute...

I lived in Italy for a number of years. I used to love to listen to peoples' reactions when they saw a sculpture or painting or building that was beautiful and exhibited incredible human talent. Take the David statue in Florence, sculpted by Michelangelo. People would gawk at it, gush about what a great sculptor Mike was, gloat over his talents, and just generally oooh and ahhh with mouths wide open as they walked around looking at this statue of a naked guy. But if you placed another real, live, in-the-flesh human being in front of them, of which a statue is a poor copy at best, well, now, to most observers who would have been indoctrinated and brainwashed by Chuckie Dee materialism, that human would just be the product of a bunch of ("lucky," as Evolution Pope Stephen J. Gould would have said) accidents. STUPID? YOU BET!

Let's take a look at this a minute: No modern observer saw Michelangelo create the statue, but the same observer would have no problem believing he did it. The statue is just a piece of stone which is formed into a COPY of the EXTERNAL FEATURES of a human being, and has no brain, no blood, no heart, no feelings, though it was MADE by real human hands, directed by a real human brain using tools that a real human brain devised. So to say the STATUE was created was no problem, but if you say the hands, brain, and man that CREATED the statue were created, you are chucked out of the Chuck Darwin Club, banished forever, and you are branded as STUPID and UNEDUCATED.

One day in Italy I was talking with an guy in a wheelchair. He said he did not believe in a creator, and had no problem believing that evolution made everything. I pointed to a monument and asked him if he believed it had a creator. "Of course!" I pointed to myself and asked him if he believed I had a creator. No, he didn't. I don't care if this does not sound kind, but that is just plain stupid. Evolutionists KNOW it's just plain stupid, but they just can't bring themselves to admit it. Why? Because they're afraid to.

We need to get back to explosions. Ok, so the stars exploded, spread stuff (elements) all over, and some of it fell to earth in very convenient quantities. Now, it's a good thing that happened, or we would not have hamburgers, let alone ketchup or relish. Or fries. Because that stuff started getting together to make more complicated stuff.

CDC SECRET #6: THE WHOLE EVOLUTION OF LIFE STORY IS ILLOGICAL, AND WE KNOW IT'S ILLOGICAL, BUT WE CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IT ANYHOW BECAUSE WE'RE AFRAID OF THE ALTERNATIVES.

Chapter 6: Come Together, Right Now, into Me

There is no evolutionist out there who could seriously believe the scenario I'm about to paint, but they ALL say they believe it, because if they did not, they'd be kicked out of the Club on an evolved foot in no time flat.

First, elements and compounds, including – very conveniently – water, fall out of the sky onto the earth, which is cooling down from being mighty hot, and they all mix together in the big ocean. Now, any kid can see that if you put stuff like sugar, or dirt, or whatever, into a swimming pool, it doesn't come together, but rather SPREADS APART. This is especially convenient when kids do things like urinate in a swimming pool (adults, of course, would never do such a thing). By doing that you are adding READY MADE ORGANIC COMPOUNDS like urea to the water; you don't even have to wait millions of years for them to form! And do they all get together and turn into cells? Uh, well... not really. Of course, you would not want a blob of urine following you around, turning into cells, and neither would your swim mates. But you see, if you believe evolution, every rule can be broken, and even if you have an OCEAN, and not just a mere swimming pool, when evolution comes into play, organic compounds GET TOGETHER, instead of spreading apart like normal, everyday experience would dictate, therefore...

CDC SECRET #7: YOU ARE NOT TO QUESTION BROKEN RULES, ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE SCIENTIFIC RULES.
So the rule that's broken (but don't ask!) is that, instead of the stuff spreading out in the oceans, it CAME TOGETHER! And not only that, LIGHTNING showed up and started flashing all over, and when it zapped some of this stuff, it formed the BUILDING BLOCKS OF LIFE!!! Whoa baby! And I mean BABY. Think of a baby playing with building blocks. If the blocks just sit there, does anything happen to them? Umm, no. But if a child picks them up and places them on top of one another, something happens to them, right? Or if he or she makes a building with them. Or, if they have letters on them, the child might form a word. Otherwise they just sit there.

But NOT EVOLUTION BUILDING BLOCKS!! NO SIR!!! Evolution building blocks BUILD THEMSELVES!!! That's why you have to watch out for lightning in that swimming pool, because if it hits those organic compounds, you don't know WHAT ooey gooey stuff might result! Evolution building blocks require no talent, and need no intelligence to form complex things. They just started to get together and make everything we know, and who cares HOW they did that. They just DID! Despite the fact that we see no such thing happening now, nor ever did, Chuck Darwin Club members, with their secret knowledge, KNOW that the "building blocks of life" got together and built life! They don't know what life IS, but they're pretty sure they know the story of how it got here! Secret information, available only to the anointed priesthood. The rest of us are left to just wonder, and accept, what's fed to us by the members of the Club priesthood.

And priesthood it is! Try this: Tell a Chuck Darwin Club member that he belongs to a religious system. Tell him its priests are evolutionary scientists, its pope is Chuck Himself, its churches are museums, and especially natural history museums. The CDC has beliefs about where we came from, who we are, and where we're going. Namely, to the dust, to fuel future evolution. Which brings to mind my favorite cowboy poem, which can be found at this link: "Reincarnation"

Now, you might think that's funny, and so do I. But it's exactly what the Chuck Darwin Club teaches about who you are and where you're going. How do they know that?

Chapter 7: The Faith of Billions Can't Be Wrong!

Let's go back a billion years. How does any evolutionist really know what things were like then? None of them was there to see it, but have you ever wondered how they can tell you all about it? That's like someone who didn't go to a ball game giving you a play-by-play recap. Would you believe them over somebody who was there? NO? THEN WHY DO YOU BELIEVE CHUCK DARWIN CLUB MEMBERS who weren't there but tell you all about what happened millions and billions of years ago? I know why you believe them. It's because they're EXPERTS in what they never saw, and can never test nor repeat. You are just an ordinary peon who needs to be educated in their religion, and you are made to feel like a fool if you don't join the club and believe what they believe BY FAITH.

Now, you may have heard about a guy named Stanley Miller. He is one of the priests of the Inner Sanctimoniums (yes, I know it's not an official word) of the Chuck Darwin Club, because he mixed some chemicals together in a neat-looking glass flask, zapped them with electricity for a couple of weeks, and collected the results, among which were THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF LIFE!!! Or at least, that's what Club members want you to believe. In reality, an experiment has to have a DESIGNER and CREATOR (an experiment does not make itself out of nothing, but you're not told that), but those two words are not allowed to be uttered in the Club. It doesn't matter if it's true or not. Clubbers just don't use those words. And if the designer/creator of that experiment had not turned off the electricity at the right time, the "building blocks" would eventually have been destroyed (but you're not told that). And the "building blocks" were nothing more than a few more complex chemical compounds, and if they were left in the flask, they'd still be sitting around somewhere doing nothing, which is exactly what they'd do forever, because there's no builder to do anything with them.

But the good Dr Miller is one of the heroes and gods of the Chuckie Dee Club, because he (He) made these building blocks, which proves nothing to any thinking human being, but if you believe in STUPID evolution, you have to get all excited and say what a great thing Miller did, otherwise Club members will scowl at you and ostracize you, because Miller's experiment is one of their icons, and you have to reverence it.

Which brings us back to the ocean with the stuff (building blocks) in it. Now, the Club says stuff got together and formed what are called "protocells." Those are cells that came before cells. Well, stuff did no such thing, and they know it did no such thing, but that's what they teach, that's what we learn, and that's what we must believe to be considered smart in our society, even though it's stupid. Because the protocells would have just dissolved, or wasted away.

Then these protocells got together, you see (but don't ask why or how because the best you'll get is an invented story), and they formed multicellular critters. Sort of like the dust and gas of space got together and formed stars. Are you with me here? The dust and gas exploded, then got together and formed planets, one of which was earth, on which loose elements got together and formed cells. It was all VERY SIMPLE, you see. We see it in science films all the time, and science films don't tell lies. (By the way, we'll get to the kissing and sex eventually; so just be patient.) This is all so stupid to believe in that we should be completely embarrassed by it, but not only are we not embarrassed by it – we PREACH this stuff.

Chapter 8: Don't You Love Spontaneity?

CDC SECRET #8: CHANGE WORD MEANINGS SO AS TO CONFUSE UNWITTING MEMBERS AND OUTSIDERS.
Maybe you've heard of the "spontaneous generation" of life, and how people once believed that living things arose from non-living things, because, for instance, they noticed that maggots appeared in decaying meat. Then finally Louis Pasteur showed that life could only come from life, which he demonstrated by enclosing meat in one jar, where flies could not enter, and leaving another open, where they could lay their eggs in the meat. He showed that you must already have life to beget life, or in other words, life CANNOT come from non-living matter.

But CDC members have brought us back a couple of hundred years, because they believe that life DID arise from non-living matter, despite the fact it was disproven long ago. They don't tell you that, however. Instead, they change the words "spontaneous generation" into a new word called "abiogenesis." It is one of the many code words of the Club, wherein words are adapted (evolve, you know) to suit their agenda. For instance, "evolution" used to mean that "simple" things became more complex with time. But now that Club members know that no such thing happens, they've changed "evolution" to mean simply, well, "CHANGE!" And ANY FOOL CAN SEE THAT THINGS CHANGE! So, you dummies outside the Club who say there is no evolution must be blind! Can't you see there is CHANGE all around us?! Which brings us to...

CDC SECRET #9: THE ONLY THING REALLY EVOLVING IS THE THEORY OF EVOLUTION ITSELF.
By that, I mean that the only thing that's really changing and adapting is the concept of evolution. Evolution is like clay: you can mold it, adapt it, and fit it wherever and however necessary, so that the theory adjusts to whatever twists and turns are necessary to its form, function, and propagation.

Let me take you back to my college days in the early 1970's, and what got me started on this anti-evolution kick, and how I began to realize how really stupid evolution is. And, by the way, when I realized it, I had no trouble admitting it, but sure found myself in a lot of hot water for doing so.

When I began studying at college in 1973, the same year as the trip out west when I climbed the mountain, I was already in the Chuck Darwin Club. Based on counsel from others, I started out with a Business Administration major, went through Metallurgical Engineering to Civil Engineering and finally ended up with Biology as my major area of study, by my second year. I liked biology, and science in general. Astronomy was also my favorite hobby, and is to this day (I worked in the field for a few years, too).

Oddly enough, though, it was my college biology texts that really got me to thinking about how silly evolution was, because I began questioning it, and was not coming up with satisfactory answers. One of my Biology profs and I would get into discussions, and I convinced him to let me give a talk to one of his classes questioning certain things about evolution that we all had learned. Yes, I had come to know God the Creator, but I'm avoiding bringing that into the equation in this book, because my focus is on the fact that, no matter what you believe about religion or spiritual things, or the Bible, or any other book, evolution is just plain stupid, is itself a form of religious indoctrination, and it's time people - especially scientists (some already have, but most have not) - admit it, whether or not they want to believe anything else. I want the reader to just judge Darwinism and evolutionary cosmology on their OWN MERITS, and not in relation to any other belief system.

I remember, though, a typical "I'll show him how dumb what HE believes is" response from my professor, which would be one of many such silly challenges I'd receive over the years. He asked, "If God can do anything, can He make something bigger than Himself?" Rather than tripping me up, as he had hoped, I wound up putting him in his own corner with my response: "God, by definition, is infinite, so no, He can't make something bigger than Himself. And that in no way limits His power." The prof, while unconvinced about God, at least respected my answer.

But it was in phytology, the study of plants, that questions really started coming up. And now we return to explosions again. You see, at a time that Chuck Darwin Clubbers call the "Cambrian" period, there was this EXPLOSION of – guess what? – complex life! An explosion of the stuff! And virtually nothing before that, in the fossil record anyhow. And the living things that "appeared" in this "explosion" just happened to be very complex.

Complexity. What is it? To a child, tying a shoe might be complex. To an adult it's simple. But when it comes to living things, there AIN'T NO SUCH THING AS SIMPLE. I like to issue this challenge: Catch an ordinary housefly. Now smash it. There you have all the ingredients for a "simple" housefly. So, MAKE ONE. And if that's too difficult, then make a "simple" bacterium. A bacterium is "simpler" than a housefly. So make one! In fact, make billions of them. Make them reproduce. Have them kiss each other and create men and women and the human sexual relationship while you're at it, just like that silly "science" movie I mentioned at the beginning of this book showed. A bacterium is an incredibly complex creature, and even if we did make one, that would mean we were able to DUPLICATE WHAT WAS ALREADY DONE. You see, Clubbers insist that one day man will CREATE LIFE!! WOW! ISN'T MAN INCREDIBLE?! No, he's not. Sorry to disappoint you by THINKING about it, but if man created life, he would just be imitating what has already been done, and proving the fact that it didn't happen all by itself. And he's far far far from doing any such thing still, let alone following it up by creating a new kind of brain.

So there was this explosion of complex life, and where did it come from? Well, according to the stupidity of the Chuck Darwin Club creation myth, let's reiterate: an explosion made stars, which forged elements inside them and then exploded, and the explosions sent some of those elements onto planets which had formed out of the stuff that had exploded, and that stuff got together and made cells, and the cells became all the complex creatures found in the Cambrian explosion. Now any dummy can see that this is all so stupid as to not even warrant our time, but MILLIONS of people believe this and are afraid to leave the Club because of its grip on them. And speaking of millions....

Chapter 9: Time Is On Our Side! Yes It Is!

The religion of evolution has a miracle worker. It's called "Time," and you just can't get enough of it if you believe that by adding more and more time, anything can happen. In fact, one of the greatest unspoken beliefs of Chuckie Dee adherents is...
CDC SECRET #10: IF IT LOOKS LIKE IT WON'T WORK, JUST ADD TIME.
Clubbers KNOW that this stuff about how everything came about and how life evolved is stupid. They know it. I know they know it. They just won't admit it. So, in order to get around the fact that they know what they're saying happened could not have happened no way no how, they add TIME to it, and then say, "Given enough time, anything can happen." Yessir! Like, if I leave a couple of bucks sitting around, maybe in a million years they'll turn into a million bucks (with my luck, though, by then, of course, we will have evolved some new currency system)! Maybe my old Rolling Stones albums (which I no longer have in my possession, as my music tastes have evolved to higher planes, but note the chapter heading here) will turn into Beatles' albums with time! If you just believe in evolution, you can make Time do whatever you need it to do! Time is the miracle worker of the religion of Evolution.

If you challenge Chuck Darwin Clubbers with the fact that Time itself doesn't really MAKE anything, and that in fact things fall apart with time, of course they will say YOU are stupid, because all you have to do is look around, and you'll see what Time (the goddess with a capital T ) has made, which is everything – or at least that's their belief. They'll tell you that if you put a bunch of monkeys in front of typewriters, maybe in a year they won't type anything, but in a couple MILLION years, they'll hammer out some Shakespeare for ya, yes they will!

Of course, that doesn't explain where monkeys came from to begin with, nor how they acquired the ability to bang on a typewriter, which requires a brain, wired up to muscles and bones and fingers and toes, and the ability of that brain to know it's wired up, and know what to do about it. How did that all evolve? TIME did it, of course! Oh, and "mutations" and "natural selection" too. Clubbers will tell you all about mutations and natural selection and all that fancy Clubspeak, but don't DARE challenge them on it. Mutations are the DRIVING FORCE of evolution, man! Uh oh. It's time for THINKING again, and we're not supposed to do that. But we're going to anyhow.

For mutations and natural selection to work, they have to have "something" to mutate and select. It's that question of where the "something" came from in the first place that makes Chuck Darwin Club members squirm, because they have no logical, rational, scientific answer for it, though they spend lots of time, effort, and money trying to figure it out. Notice, though, I didn't say they have no answer. They'll ALWAYS have an answer because all they have to do is remodel the clay. It doesn't matter how dumb the answer is, and the dumber it is, the fancier the terminology and scientific jingo for it will be. Remember "abiogenesis"? Well, how about "Punctuated Equilibrium"? Sounds like a Clubber who's had one too many at the Darwin Club Pub, but here's what it's really about.

When Chuck Darwin came up with his idea about how species diversity came about, moving up the ladder from simple to more complex, always changing and adapting, we didn't have very many fossils to determine whether he was right or not, nor was there a known mechanism that could move a creature from "simple" to more complex. If you're in the Club, you believe the fossil record is a "snapshot" of evolution, which shows that life DID move from "simple" upward. But it's a pretty bad snapshot, because it doesn't really show anything about evolution; Darwin Clubbers have just INVENTED their nice little drawings of trees and branches and all that, and everyone accepts them, without questioning why the ENDS of the branches have fully formed creatures at them, while the branches themselves show NOTHING in between the "simple" and more complex creatures. There should be MILLIONS and MILLIONS of fossils that show all the stages between molecules and man, and they just are not there, even so many years after Chuck Darwin's time. So clever Club members, always ready to come up with some new fancy cover up, and led by one of their High Priests, Stephen J. Gould, invented the term "Punctuated Equilibrium" which some called "Punk Eek," to try to make it sound cool. There should also, RIGHT NOW, in OUR TIME, be millions of plants and animals going through further transitional stages in their ongoing evolution, but there are NOT. What's there is ALREADY there, and anything that's changing or adapting is not creating anything NEW, it's just acting on what's ALREADY THERE. More on that later.

Punk Eek is really nothing more than an admission that the fossil record does not demonstrate Chuck Darwin's evolution. Chuck said that evolution took place slowly and gradually over eons of time. But Gould and his pals knew that was not true, and the fossil record showed no such thing, so they decided that evolution took place QUICKLY, in SPURTS, punctuated by long periods of what they called "stasis" when things didn't change much. Well, they figured that took care of THAT! And once again, all the Club members fell in line and paid homage to the Punk Eek god, who once again saved evolution from the trash heap.

Chapter 10: Sex Again, and Something Fishy

I think it's time we get back to sex, because Punk Eek gets boring. However, the bacteria film – you know, the one where the bacteria were kissing – is a good example of Punk Eek, since there are no transitional fossils between bacteria and Bob, unless you want to believe that things jumped from bacteria to barracuda to baboon to Bob. You're perfectly welcome to believe that, even though it's stupid, and you know it's stupid. But sex is another thing that causes problems for Chuck Darwin Club members. I don't mean personally, though that may be true, but they can't really explain it. I mean, you have a man and a woman, and they started out as bacteria? Uh, if you say so... The man is made just right for the woman, the woman is made just right for the man (I don't think I need to get too descriptive here). When a man looks at a woman and finds her attractive, what's going on there? How did THAT evolve? I guess some bacteria were hot, and some were not? Is this STUPID or what? How did the woman know she had to evolve the right organs to carry and bear a baby, so as to advance the human race? And how inconvenient is it that humans, more than any other so-called "animals" have to spend so much time feeding and training their kids? I thought we were supposed to be more ADVANCED? You call baby bottles and diapers ADVANCED? I mean, we were going doo doo just fine in the forest! Oh, and those bottles... I suppose EVOLUTION KNEW that women had to evolve breasts for feeding their young, and the breasts knew how to evolve just the right milk, right? And evolution knew the baby would have a mouth that could suckle on the breast to get the milk, and then evolution knew how to make the baby's body assimilate the milk and turn it into bone and other tissue? OH, SURE! That's EASY to believe, as long as you don't THINK about it.

Oh, I can just see it now. Grog and Thogette are your average cave couple. Why there had to be cave couples, I don't know, but the Club almost always shows them that way in its made-up, imaginary pictures. Yes, those pictures of cave people are someone's imagination. Give an artist a bone, and who knows what "pre-humans" will look like when he gets through with it? It's all imagination. Nobody can take one of my jaw bones and tell me what I looked like without having actually seen me, but these guys are dead sure about what somebody looked like, and where they lived, and how they lived, based on a few fossil teeth or bones.

So Grog and Thogette decide to have a baby. Where did they figure out how to do that? Did some fish that turned into an amphibian that turned into a chimpanzee that turned into a caveman show them how? And if fish have babies by laying eggs, then why did that have to change? The fish were doing just fine. In fact, why did they even have to come out of the water? Are they better off now that they're people, on land, shooting at each other? Oh, by the way, fish eggs and other eggs are real "simple" things, aren't they? I mean, what does it take to make an egg that contains all the information to create a new organism? A kid could do it in his spare time. Just make sure it's a couple million years of spare time, because Time can perform all miracles. The Time goddess made eggs! Thanks, Time! Thanks for bacon, too!

Fish. I guess they were getting tired of swimming around, and decided that it was time to move up in the world. (Some of them did, anyhow. Others were contented to remain fish, conveniently for us, so that we could then invent the story that they are our ancestors). They must have known somehow that they'd eventually turn into people, like the Chuck Club tells us happened. Like, umm, we see fish trying to move onto land all the time, don't we? Aren't there still some restless ones out there, or is it that they've seen what we've become, and decided it's best not to evolve into people any more? But the fish millions of years ago were different from today's fish. They were more ambitious. But you know what's really gross? We EAT fish! We EAT OUR ANCESTORS!! YECH! Does the Chuck Darwin Club ever think about this stuff? Some of our ancestors we eat, and the rest we shoot or put in zoos, or whatever. Or we insult them, like when we say, "You're acting like an ass." Donkeys are not standing around wondering where they came from, and inventing stories that they were once fish. They're too smart for that.

So fish moved onto land, eh? If you watch Chuck Darwin science movies, you'll see that they did. And science films do NOT lie. Nothing to it! All the fish had to do was grow limbs, change their way of breathing, change their diet and digestive system, change their skin and eyes so they could see better and not dry out, change the direction of their motion from side-to-side to forward and backward, try not to get sunburned or freeze, change from cold blooded to warm blooded. NOTHING TO IT!!!! All it took was Time, and there you go! You've seen what happens to fish out of water. They DIE. But it should be OBVIOUS to you that, with MILLIONS OF YEARS OF TIME, all the changes that fish need to live out of water will take place, and soon enough, they'll turn into people. STUPID, is what it is. Darwin Clubbers KNOW it's stupid. They just won't admit it.

Perhaps the Mother of All Marine Animal Stupidity (MAMAS) is the WHALE evolution story. To be a sworn member of the Chuck Darwin Club, you have to believe that whales started out in the water, left the water, and then WENT BACK to the water! What DUMMIES! They could be PEOPLE by now, fighting for whale rights for their ancestors who didn't evolve. But NOOOO! They had to go BACK to the water. And those blowholes are another issue. Members of the Chuckie Dee Club don't care how whales breathed before they had those blowholes. They prefer not to ask those questions. We just KNOW the blowholes evolved with millions of years of Time, and that's all we need to know. There aren't any "transitional" blowholes, though there are a number of traditional blowhards in the Club!

Chapter 11: Dinosaurs Take a Bite Out of Darwin

Speaking of whales, they're pretty big critters. And guess what? Chuck Darwin Club members KNOW why they're big – it's because they had to OUTGROW THE COMPETITION! Bigger is better, according to Evolutionists, and somehow evolution knew that, so it made things big so they would survive better. That's why dinosaurs were big (even though they were not born big, but let's not bring up too many problems here)! Doesn't it make sense that bigger is better for survival? No, it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. In fact, it's STUPID. The reason it is stupid is because there are millions of living things that are NOT big, and have NOT gotten bigger with time, and they've survived just fine – even better than big things. In fact, most of us are more afraid of a VIRUS than a whale! And viruses are pretty tiny. Real tiny, in fact. But if you're in the Chuck Darwin Club, you have to INVENT STORIES about why things are big, or why they have such SHARP TEETH (my, T-rex, what BIG TEETH you have!). If they have SHARP TEETH, then they must have been FIERCE WARRIORS, that's for sure! Even though there are animals with big, sharp teeth nowadays that are NOT fierce warriors.

So, as the dinosaurs' teeth got bigger, they needed bigger bodies to fend off predators, right? Or is it that as their bodies got bigger, Evolution knew they needed bigger teeth? Like Evolution was just sittin' there one day, and Evolution says to herself, "Evolution, you know, you have to make dinosaurs bigger, and their little teeth too!" And it was so. Why evolution didn't make bacteria bigger, we'll just never know. I can see a big, hotdog-shaped bacterium with big long legs devouring a city in its struggle for existence, can't you? So why did Evolution make dinosaurs big, and bacteria small? Of course, bacteria are all over the place, and dinosaurs are gone. So Evolution was not very smart there, I guess. But despite this, Chuckie Dee Clubbers will insist that the dinosaurs got bigger to be able to survive better. Oh, now, CDC members will attack me for all this, and they'll say, "Evolution does not think or have any direction in what it does." Well, then DON'T PRETEND IT DOES. Don't come up with excuses for why some things got big, and others stayed small. We don't need your explanations if there's no direction or thought involved. It was just random accidents, so don't bother trying to figure it out!

Which brings to mind the mind. Let's suppose I say 2+2=5 and you say 2+2=4. Are you right, or am I right? You'll say that you're right, right? But if evolution is true, suppose it's just that the chemicals that evolved into MY brain, did not evolve the same as the chemicals that evolved into YOUR brain, and we just understand the world differently. Who are YOU to say I'm wrong about ANYTHING? Once again, evolution leads to STUPIDITY, because if your brain is just a bunch of evolved chemicals, then nothing has any meaning in the end. It's just the way your chemicals happen to perceive things, and mine perceive things differently. SO MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS and leave me alone!

We're getting out of control here. Let's get back to dinosaurs, because they're fun, and kids like them, especially because they're extinct and cannot eat them for breakfast like kids eat certain dinosaur cereals (there's teaching your kids to eat their ancestors again; I've seen dinosaur cookies and other dinosaur foods too. We just can't let a sleeping dino lie, can we?).

What happened to the dinosaurs, anyhow? Well, if you belong to the Chuck Darwin Club, you have OVER 100 POSSIBLE ANSWERS to that question, and more are being added all the time! The best so far are that they drowned in their own dung, or plants died off and their diet changed dramatically, and they died of constipation. Talk about two extremes! What a bunch of coprolite! Perhaps nowhere is the stupidity of evolutionary scenarios more evident than in answering the question of the demise of the dinosaurs.

One of my favorite dumb evolution things is when Darwin Clubbers get philosophical and tell us that somehow knowing how a dinosaur lived "65 million years ago" tells us something about ourselves, our place in the universe, and our future. The hogwash meter about breaks over that one. WHAT FUTURE? If all you are is evolved scum, then that's what you're going back to. You'll be feeding whatever's evolving after you've come and gone. What wonderful HOPE! What a sense of PURPOSE! Now I KNOW what my future holds, and..., and..., well, SO WHAAAATTT??? If I came from scum, and I'm returning to scum, then I have no real purpose, no real past, and no real future, so don't try the philosophy on me, because it's STUPID to tell me about my "place" in the universe in the grand scheme of things.

So, maybe you heard about the Asteroid? OF COURSE, YOU DUMMY!! The dinosaurs were killed off by an EXPLOSION!! You were expecting something less? Have you forgotten about the coolness of explosions, and how they made everything, and now they're destroying everything? An Asteroid smashed into the earth, and somehow it chose to mess with the dinosaurs, while leaving lots of other things alone. That's what they get for increasing in size. See, things never work out the way you wanted them to. Here they were, dominating the earth (supposedly) and puffing up their chests with pride at how big they were, and along comes this Asteroid and shows them a thing or two.

Now, the REALLY weird thing is that, most of the remnants of dinosaurs, mainly bones, are BURIED IN SEDIMENT. Like they died in, you know, a FLOOD. Like that one on Mars, where there's no evidence of water that could cause a FLOOD. But no, it had to be an asteroid, because if we say it was a FLOOD, that's too much like admitting that some other belief might be right.

Chapter 12: Fossil Foolishness

Let's go back to my mountaintop trip for a moment. Along the way, we stopped at Dinosaur National Monument. There you can see an entire side of a mountain that has been cut away to reveal dinosaur bones that were buried in SEDIMENT. In fact, if they were not QUICKLY buried in sediment, we would not have them to gawk at now. The Chuck Darwin Club will tell you that sites like this were the result of a "local" flood, or dinosaurs and other creatures being swept down a raging river. I have lots of articles where they say this fossil deposit or that was the result of a local flood or a raging river. And some of the deposits have millions of fossils in them. That's an awful lot of stupid animals. Animals must have gotten smarter though, because, well, I've seen LOTS of local floods in my lifetime, and ain't one of them producing any fossils, let alone millions of them. But STUPID Darwinism doesn't care about that. They have to have SOME kind of explanation, so why not invent a dumb one like that a bunch of animals were buried in a "local" flood and turned into fossils, even though that would never actually occur in the real world?
CDC SECRET #11: WE KNOW FOSSILS COULD NOT HAVE FORMED GRADUALLY, BUT WE'LL NEVER ADMIT IT.
Fossils are the remains of creatures – mainly marine ones, that were buried QUICKLY, and beneath LOTS of sediment, which is now wearing away, exposing them. And most fossils are only the remains of HARD PARTS, like bone and shell. I have a picture from a book that really exposes (pun intended) just how stupid evolution can be. It shows a "prehistoric" caveman who is circumcised. You should not have to think more than a second or so to realize how ridiculous that is. That part just does not fossilize, and circumcision is a religious practice that's only a few thousand years old. But it goes to show how much IMAGINATION is involved with this stuff.

Have you noticed the "Oldest Man Game"? If not, then you've missed something. You see, there's this contest among paleontologists to see who can find the oldest man. So, one paleontologist finds a few little bones (usually in some remote area where few others can go) and says, "My human ancestor is two million years old!" Then the next one comes along (and you can be sure the news headlines will say, "New Find Rewrites Human History!") and he finds a bone or two, uses an artist's imagination to decide what "it" looked like, and "Eureka! Mine is THREE million years old!" Well, the other guy's not about to be outdone, so he finds another bone or two, has an artist draw a half man, half ape creature that looks older than the other guy's, and "Aha! Mine is FOUR million years old!" Pretty soon we're going to be older than the universe, because they're not about to give in to the other guy, that's for sure! It's the paleontological pre-human dating game!

Talking about dinosaurs once again, and being buried in sediment... Where did that sediment come from? Well, the oceans of course. A recent talk I attended was about the oceans that covered Wyoming in the past, but, being a member of the CDC, the speaker didn't tell us where those oceans came from. You see, they didn't cover Wyoming just once, but TWICE. Well, if that's the case, there should be lots of fossils under the present ocean, whatever it's covering, shouldn't there? But I don't know of one that's been found, despite all the digging on the sea bottom. Oh, I know, the Club has an excuse for that. But they have not heard of my "Elevator Theory." You see, according to them, the land was once under the ocean (hence, all the marine fossils, even though none is forming under the ocean now), and then the land rose up, and began draining off. The Grand Canyon is supposed to be an example of this. But once again, the STUPIDITY METER is going to break. Why? Because there's no way that the strata of the Grand Canyon could have been laid down over "millions of years" and then lifted up for "millions of years" and then eroded for "millions of years." That's what I call Elevator Geology. Up, down. Up, down. And without any rhyme or reason. It's another just-so story to try to explain the Grand Canyon and other similar formations worldwide.

Another reason it's silly is because there are pretty well-defined breaks between the strata, showing they were laid down by large hydrodynamic (water) forces, not gradually in quietly flowing streams, or lakes, or local floods. In an enormous, worldwide flood, (as opposed to a local one) the material would be all mixed up, and then when it started to settle, it would form strata as the different size and weight material was laid down. If it were laid down gradually, it would not show that sort of definition in the quantities in which we find it all over the world. Any kid can fill a bottle full of water and a mixture of dirt, sand, and stones, and shake it up, and see that it forms strata. But if you're an evolutionary scientist with ten PhDs and belong to the Club, for some reason you can't see what a kid can see. Well, actually, I believe you CAN see it very well, but you just won't admit it.. After all, your other Club friends might stick their tongues out at you and call you a religious fanatic or something because you believe in a worldwide flood. Of course, THEY are not religious fanatics, even though nobody ever saw happen what they say happened. But there was a Flood on MARS, though! Don't forget that!

Chapter 13: A Body of Damaging Evidence

Enough of dinosaurs and fossils. Let's talk about the human body. Now, we all know that the human body started out as a one-celled animal, grew into an amphibian, which became a chimpanzee, which became Joe and Jane Person, right? Do I sense the STUPIDIY METER starting to move? You bet. Because that is ridiculous, and the Chuck Darwin Club knows it, but they just can't escape it. We'll start with digestion, as one example of how stupid it is to believe evolution. First you have to have a food source that just "happened" to evolve just the right way to feed you. Then you have these hands, you see, that can be used to prepare the food. The hand then brings the food to the mouth, which just happened to have evolved the right size for the food, a tongue that can help you decide whether the food is good or not, teeth of the correct size and form to grind the food down, saliva to lubricate the food for passage down the esophagus and begin the digestion process, muscles and bone to operate the process of chewing and swallowing, an esophagus to transport the food to the stomach, a stomach with the right structure and juices to further break down the food, intestines to begin absorbing the right nutrients from the food, a bloodstream to transport those nutrients to every cell in your body, muscles to push the digested food through the body (and you don't hardly know it, except for an occasional cramp and maybe a bit of flatulence now and then), and finally an orifice where the digested food can be eliminated, and become a part of the nature from which it came. And ALL THAT HAPPENED ALL BY ITSELF WITH NO PLAN OR DIRECTION? Well, that idea is STUPID. And we've only touched on the digestive system. We haven't even mentioned the nervous system, or the BRAIN that MAKES IT ALL WORK. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? Did Evolution wire everything up just right, and if so, how did it do that? All you have to do is stop and think about what the Chuckie Dee Club teaches, and if you don't arrive at the conclusion that stupid arrogant stubbornness is involved in the continued propagation of this inanity, then you should have your mind checked, if it hasn't been checked at the door already.

How about feelings and emotions? Where did THEY evolve from? Or the ability to communicate. Here's Grog and Thogette again, stars of the latest evolution movie, and they're grunting at each other. Grog wants dinner, and he wants it now. Thogette is grunting back at him that she has no idea what he's talking about, right? Of course not! THAT would be REALITY, but THIS is EVOLUTION! So, of course Thogette picks right up on what Grog wants, and the next thing you know she's writing a cookbook. On the cave wall, of course. (People still live in caves around the world, but that doesn't matter to the CDC because they now have TVs and air fresheners in the caves, which they did not before, so obviously they're more "advanced" than those "prehistoric" dumbos were).

Well, I'm afraid we have a real problem here for Clubbers. In order to have communication, you have to have a codified language (that has meaning behind it), a transmitter, a receiver, and a way to decipher the code and put it into practice. With speech, the transmitter is the voice, the code an alphabet, organized into words, the receiver is the ear, and the putting into practice is done by motion or other means. To say that evolved is... you guessed it. Say the word yourself. To believe this stuff, you have to accept the following stupid scenario: The body knew it needed a mouth. The mouth knew it needed vocal chords. The vocal chords knew they needed air. The brain knew it could come up with a coded system using air, vocal chords, and a mouth. The ear knew it could hear the noise coming through the air from the voice box. The ear knew just how to arrange itself (what parts it needed) to transmit all of that to another brain. The other brain knew just how to decode the message it received. The other brain then knew just what sort of body it needed to put that message into effect. To say that that whole system of communication evolved on its own is STUPID. There's not a shred of evidence to support it; it's an illogical, irrational, fanatical evolutionary religious belief. And we haven't even gotten to the EYE yet!

How did an eye know it needed to see light? How did Evolution figure out how to get the eye to see light? How did Evolution even know light existed? It DIDN'T. And there should be an entire waste dump full of evolutionary experiments that failed while Evolution was trying to figure out how to make a human eye that could utilize light. Clubbers know without a shadow (pun intended) of a doubt that the eye did not evolve. But they just can't pull themselves away from the Club's rules, which say you have to believe the eye evolved if you want to be a member. No matter how stupid the belief in evolution, they're just not going to admit it.

Chapter 14: Millions and Billions and More Billions

Back to the mountaintop trip we go. While in Rocky Mountain State Park, I joined in a tour hosted by a park ranger. I'll never forget how he picked up a seashell off the top of a mountain, held it up and said, "Millions of years ago this mountain was covered by a sea."

Ok, so a seashell lasted millions of years? How come I've been going to the seashore all my life, and each year there are new shells all over the place, and the old ones are gone? But this one – and BILLIONS of others, according to Chuck Clubbers, lasted MILLIONS OF YEARS!!! Whoa baby!!! And the mountains were beneath the sea, got lifted up, rained on, snowed on, blowed on, beat on by the sun, sand blasted, and here's a shell that withstood all that for MILLIONS OF YEARS. Yeah, right.

But at the time, I believed it. Till I started to actually THINK about it, instead of just believing the story I was told. Then I found out another fact. Almost all fossil clams are found CLOSED. Ever been to the seashore and seen dead clams? You know what happens when they die? That's right, they OPEN UP. So, all over the world, we have fossil clams which show they were rapidly buried, not buried nice and slowly by sediment being carried by waves or a stream or a local flood. And not one or two buried rapidly, but BILLIONS, and even on top of Mount Everest! I don't care what you believe about how mountains formed, NO clam fossil could survive millions of years of environmental abuse and be sitting there waiting for you to pick it up. I have rocks, brick, mortar, etc., around my house, and in a FEW YEARS I can see evidence of weathering and wear on them, and these guys are telling me these clams and other fossils have hung on for MILLIONS of years? I DON'T THINK SO. Some of the mother-of-pearl is still even on them!

How about amber? All sorts of critters have been found in amber, from frogs, to ants, to bees, plants, and so on. And guess what? They look JUST LIKE frogs, ants, bees and plants, and so on. They're not somewhere on the way to becoming those things; they ARE those things. Now, ain't that a coincidence? They haven't changed a bit in all those "millions of years." Well, that's because they haven't been AROUND for millions of years. And the Chuck Darwin Club knows it, but...

CDC SECRET #12: WE NEVER ADMIT THAT SOMETHING LOOKS YOUNG, EVEN IF ALL OUR SENSES TELL US IT IS.
In other words, even though they can see it's a frog, or an ant, or a bee, or a plant, there is NO WAY they're going to admit that it just MIGHT be LESS than millions of years old, because that goes against the party line. Just imagine: In the same time that fish were turning into people, a lot of these things DIDN'T CHANGE AT ALL! Isn't that AMAZING?! Of course it is, if you're a member of the Club.

Let's take a brief trip to Albania. I went there in 1993, and was asked to speak to a church group of mainly young people. Of course, I spoke on evolution – that is, what's wrong with evolution. I brought up the famous "peppered moth" which is one of a handful of so-called proofs that the Chuck Club holds out to the public, and the public accepts it either because they don't know any better, or they just don't care. I pointed out how the peppered moth had NOTHING to do with Chuck Darwin's evolution, and a college student came up to me quickly afterward. "We just studied the peppered moth last week!" she gushed, "...and I'm glad to know why it's wrong, because I didn't believe it anyhow!" Ahh, if only Chuckie Clubbers were as honest as that young girl.

Move on over to Russia, where I had the opportunity to do a brief talk about evolution in eleven orphanages and other places in the province of Udmurtia. And again, the same response. People were so happy to hear that the evolution that they had been FORCED to believe with no alternative was just a hocus pocus pack of lies. They KNEW it was a pack of lies, but could not challenge it, and just lived with it.

All over the world, people are beginning to awaken and recognize that they can't stay in their shells about this forever. You can try to clam up, but this theory is dying, and when it finally breathes its last, the shells are going to have to open up. It's all about WHO WE ARE, WHERE EVERYTHING CAME FROM, and WHERE WE'RE GOING, so it's not a minor issue, like some people will say, which gives them the opportunity to brush it off without having to THINK about it.

Millions and Billions. What about the ROCKS!? Aren't they millions of years old too, and doesn't that PROVE evolution? Sorry, Chuckies, but it doesn't, and you know it doesn't and you KNOW you cannot PROVE the age of ANY rock. I used to be in a rock group, many years ago. In fact I used to sing some songs by the Rolling Stones, so that is proof of how old I am, but it won't help you much with the age of rocks – just the age of rockers (or ex-rockers in rocking chairs). The age of rockers can be determined, because we have a written history of it. The age of ROCKS can't. Some rocks that have formed recently have given radiometric dates of millions of years, but Chuck Clubbers don't want you to know that. We CAN'T accurately date rocks, no matter what you're told.

There is NO rock that anyone can hold up and say, "This rock is one million, two hundred thirty three thousand, five hundred twenty four years, and 67 days old." That's STUPID, right? Well, it's stupid to believe anyone knows the age of rocks, too. The whole age thing is a sham. The Chuck Club geologists know it, but they have you fooled into thinking they are the coolest rock group going, because they can look into their rock crystal balls and tell you everything that happened millions of years ago, and how things looked, and how people lived, and what animals did, and what the weather was like, ALL FROM READING ROCKS! I mean, don't you wish they could tell us what things are going to be like in another million years? Now, I'm not saying you can't know anything from reading rocks. You can know how they're formed, you can know what they're made of, and how they may have changed (metamorphic rocks) and even how they weathered, but ONLY WITHIN THE CONFINES OF HERE AND NOW. You can NOT know ANYTHING about a rock "millions of years ago." It's all based on GUESSWORK, and they KNOW that, but won't admit it.

Turning once again to the professional geologist I recently heard speak, as she showed a slide presentation of many of the interesting geological formations around where I live, inwardly I was cringing, but out of politeness I didn't say anything. And she left quickly afterward so no one could ask questions. But there were at least two things that stick out above the rest as prime examples of the kind of thing I hate.

The first was when she showed a slide of a rock formation and said, "This formation is about 2.6... oh, let's say 3 BILLION years old!" Well, were we supposed to all oooh and aaah, like we'd just seen fireworks, or what? Now, it may not immediately strike you as to what's so funny about her statement, but with a wave of the hand she added FOUR HUNDRED MILLION YEARS to the age of the formation. And who's gonna notice? What's the big deal if you just decide it's 3 billion, instead of 2.6 billion? In the grand scheme of things, is it going to make my day any more enjoyable, or miserable? Of course not, so why should I bother challenging it? Because that WOULD make my day more miserable, because the Club would get out their swords and come after me if I challenge their billions and billions and millions and millions. I am threatening their goddess Time. Chuck Darwin Clubbers throw around millions and billions like gamblers who have too much time on their hands. If a million doesn't work, maybe a billion will. I did an Internet search one day for the age of the universe. Came up with between about 8 and 20 BILLION years. Now THAT'S exact science for ya!! Yessir! When I was a kid the universe was supposedly about 5 billion years old, if I recall correctly. Then it went up to about 20 billion, and now it's back down to about 12 billion years. Is there some reason they can't make up their minds? I mean, if it's so OBVIOUSLY old like they say it is, why can't they come up with a specific age? Like that the universe is 10,324,596,144 years old? Now THAT would be impressive! Not a span like 12-15 billion years. That's a margin of error of three BILLION years. Doesn't that tell you something, Chuckie Dees??

Chapter 15: So, Are You a REAL Scientist?

Science has become an icon in our day. I fully expect that members of the CDC will attack me for this book. They'll call me stupid, say I don't know what I'm talking about, say I'm not a "scientist" (whether or not they know my credentials and experience), or that I'm not a "REAL" scientist; they'll try to find out what I believe and pick it apart, and just basically do what they can to suppress the ideas in this book. Why? Because they have to protect the Club. They can't let on that maybe they agree that evolution is stupid, because that's like saying THEY are stupid for believing it. Well, that may or may not be true. Most people believe it not because they themselves are dumb, but because they trust the "EXPERTS" who are feeding them evolutionary fast food, and so they don't bother questioning whether or not it's true, which it is NOT. I mean, after all, if Joe Club Member has FIVE PhDs, he MUST know that evolution is true, and WHO AM I to question him?

Well, I have news for you. It's the FACT of those PhDs that renders many high and mighty Club members unable to admit that evolution is baloney, because they belong to a Club whose members will shun them if they admits it's just that. It is time for you PhDs and other intellectuals to admit that evolution is false, it is a lie, it has no substance, it is misleading, it is NOT science, it is NOT NECESSARY to ANY branch of science, it is a belief about who we are, why we're here, and where we are going, and nothing more. I told you I don't care what else you believe, and I am NOT bringing my own beliefs into this. I am just calling for you to STAND UP and show some GUTS and ADMIT that evolution is a FARCE. And if you don't like capital letters, that's too bad!

Evolution is NOT science. And here's why:

  • The big bang exists only on the blackboard, and in the imagination.
  • The formation of the universe exists only in drawings and the imagination.
  • The formation of the solar system exists only in drawings and the imagination.
  • The beginnings of life on earth are products of the imagination and nothing more.
  • The so-called "soup" from which life had its beginnings never existed.
  • The rise of life from non-life is not possible, and is a fairy tale.
  • The rise of complexity in life is also a fairy tale, and product of the imagination.
  • The transformation from "simple" to more complex life forms could not have occurred.
  • Mutations, which supposedly drive evolution, do no such thing, and you know it.
  • There is no way that the diversity of life could be a product of chance, and you know it.
  • There is no way that human beings could have come from single-celled organisms.
  • And you know it.
That's just for starters. Let's take another look at mutations, which are supposedly the champions of evolution, together with the miracle worker, the goddess Time. If mutations are such a GREAT thing, and so vital to the advancement of life on earth, THEN LET'S ALL GO TO CHERNOBYL FOR VACTION, where we can enjoy some good exposure to radiation, which will mutate our germ cells and cause our offspring to be better evolved than we are. Right? I see Chuck Club members squirming a bit. Why? Because you know that mutations are usually HARMFUL. You also know that mutations don't ADD anything to the genome, but use what's ALREADY there in the genetic makeup of living things. The first mutation – what was it? Was there some blob that you would call a "sort-of-cell" that was hit by a cosmic ray and started the ball rolling toward every life form that exists and ever existed? You KNOW it's stupid, but you just won't admit it. There has to be something to mutate in the first place before mutations can make everything. Your problem is you have no idea what that something was, nor will you ever. But because you belong to the Club, you can't bring yourself to admit it.

Since I was a little kid, perhaps from the time I saw Sputnik coming up like a dim star on the horizon from a park near the Philadelphia airport, or the first time I looked at the moon with awe, I have loved to look up into the sky and wonder about what's out there. I love astronomy, and have been a big fan of the space program from its inception, too. That's why the whole SETI thing rubs me raw. They can look out into space and NOT see design, look at the hands and brains that made radio telescopes and the incredible electronic components behind them and NOT see design, but when they supposedly find a SIGNAL FROM INTELLIGENT BEINGS they think they'll recognize it. Here's a message from an intelligent being:

"HELLOOOOO!!! TRY LOOKING AROUND YOU, ETers!!! The question isn't, "Is anybody out there?" but rather, why can't anybody see design in a DNA molecule, or a baby being born? Anybody home???"
End of message.

But it's not just SETI. It's the "billions" thing again. Here's the famous Chuckie Dee Astronomer equation: Stars are billions of light years away. That proves that the universe must be billions of years old. Which PROVES that life evolved on earth. IS THAT CLEAR? Don't you see the connection? Well, if you don't then you've forgotten about goddess Time. She can do ANYTHING. Only non-Clubbers cannot see the connection between how far stars are from us and the existence of life on earth. If you don't you're not a REAL scientist.

Here, let me explain it this way. I once rode a bicycle across the USA. About 2500 miles or so in 45 days. So, if there are 2500 miles and 45 days between Philadelphia and San Francisco, that PROVES that grizzly bears evolved in Alaska! You see? You don't? Then perhaps you are on your way to the freedom of chucking Chuck Darwinism. Or perhaps you've chucked Chuck and already experienced the freedom of being shackled to a lie. If so, good for you, but now you need to go back and tell the Club members that you no longer accept their rules, because evolution is stupid, you know it's stupid, you can admit it's stupid, and it's time to move on and for them to do so too.

I have started a website, www.EvolutionIsStupid.com, to continue this discussion, more in depth. I am NOT going to get into my personal beliefs, at least not yet. That is not the point I desire to drive home. I just felt that it was time to stop pussyfooting, time for us who have rejected evolution to stop having to continually waste time defending ourselves, time for Chuck Clubbers to own up to the fact that Darwinism and the whole of evolutionary cosmology is kaput – bankrupt, sunk, and dead. It is useless to the advancement of science or society or anything else. It's a religious belief – a myth – and nothing more. Science was fine without it, and will continue to be fine without it in the future. We didn't need it to get to the moon, don't need it to advance medicine, didn't need it to build the Hubble telescope or any other instrument, don't need it to extract energy resources or teeth, don't need it to make law, don't need it to cook dinner, don't need it to advance automobile or computer technology.

Oh, wait. I just remembered a book I read a number of years ago, by a dyed-in-the-wool Chuckie Dee Club priest. He used the "evolution" of the Corvette as "proof" that things change with time. It didn't occur to this genius that Corvettes had a creator and designer (I know because I've been to their factory in Kentucky!), the same way it doesn't occur to others that if man "creates life" he'll just be duplicating what's already been done. Show me a Corvette that arose from the dust, and changed itself with no one directing the change, and then we'll talk. I couldn't believe this guy would come up with such a DUMB example to "prove" evolution. He probably got a ‘Vette out of it because of giving them free publicity.

Chapter 16: Don't Know Why? Invent a Story!

The Corvette blarney was almost as good as Carl Sagan's explanation of why we suddenly wake up sometimes just as we're about to fall asleep. Want to know why? Just read The Dragons of Eden. You see, before we were people, we slept in trees. And once in a while, we'd begin to fall off a branch, and suddenly we'd wake up! And there you have it – yet another Chuckie Dee Club just-so story invented to explain the unexplainable. And who's going to argue? After all, Sagan was yet another High Priest of the Club! He MUST have known what he was talking about.
CDC SECRET #13: ANY INVENTED STORY TO FIT THE FACTS IS ACCEPTABLE, AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T VIOLATE CLUB RULES.
Of course, people want to know "why" we do certain things, or "why" certain things happen. Well, if you are an evolutionist, all you have to do is invent some story that "seems" to answer the question, and there you have it! Doesn't matter if it's TRUE. Doesn't matter if it can't be TESTED. Doesn't matter if it's even LOGICAL. As long as it "seems" to answer the question, evolutionists are satisfied. Until another Clubber invents another story. Then they get all confused. That's why there are over 100 stories about how the dinosaurs disappeared. And it's also how something called "evolutionary psychology" got invented. The biggest farce since Darwin wrote The Good Book, which also is a racist book, but most people don't realize that. You see, the full title of what most people know as The Origin of Species is actually On the origin of species by means of natural selection, or, The preservation of favoured races in the struggle for life. It's that "favoured" races part that most people miss. Of course, Chuck Darwin belonged to one of those "favoured" races, but some of the people he observerd in his travels apparently did not. I once taught a course on evolution's fallacies to a school that was attended mainly by negro students. They were fully aware that if you took Chuckie Dee's theory to its logical end, then they were not quite as "evolved" as the white man, and they openly refuted evolution in part for that reason, and rightly so. Darwinism gives humanity yet another excuse for racism and looking down on one another as "less evolved" or puffing oneself up as "more advanced."

Which brings to mind another argument I love to use on Darwin Clubbers. I believe in God. So, now, does that make me MORE advanced than people who do not believe in God, or, as Clubbers would have it, less advanced? I believe it means I'm MORE advanced!! Why? Because God is an abstract concept, and so my brain must be further evolved to be able to handle such a concept. So, HA HA! to the Clubbers on that one!! They have no argument. Because if all our brains are is a bunch of evolved chemicals, WHO ARE YOU to say that my beliefs are NOT more advanced than yours? How would you know that, and how could you prove it? You CAN'T, so don't bother trying. We have now established that I am probably more advanced evolutionaristically speaking (what do you mean that's not a word? I just invented it with the evolved chemicals from my brain, and I want it to be a word, so it's now a word, whether you like it or not!) than Chuck Darwin Club members, many of whom do not believe in God.

Oh, and we don't want to forget about "intolerance." That's another buzz word CDC members like to throw around. For instance, if you say that, evolutionaristically speaking, homosexuality makes no sense, then you're INTOLERANT. Ok, so we need to deal with this brain-is-evolved-chemicals issue again. How do you define "intolerant" if you have nothing to define it by? I mean, if I don't want to eat rotten food, does that make me intolerant? Flies eat rotten food, so that means they are tolerant, but I am not. Correct? How in the world, if all you are is a fortunate mix of chemicals, do you come up with laws, and ethics? Which evolved human decides that one thing is right and another is not? You have NO WAY of determing what's right and what's wrong. Argue with me all you want on that, but if you are an evolutionist, you are now BACKED INTO A CORNER. CHECKMATE, mate. There IS no right and wrong in evolution. It's all in the way the chemicals turn out. So if one animal kills to survive, WHO ARE YOU to say humans can't do the same if they want to? Who decides when it's murder, and when it's just killing for the advancement of evolution?

Come to think of it, I have not seen any ape tribunals lately. Do apes elect judges, and have lawyers and all that? Since they don't have lawyers, does that make them more advanced than we are? As I noted earlier, cats don't sit around contemplating the universe, and trying to figure out who they are and where they came from and where they're going? No, but PEOPLE DO. Why? Who cares? If you're a Darwin Clubber, all you have to believe is that you came from slime, can live a slimy life if you want to, and you'll return to slime. No big deal, right?

Chapter 17: Proud to be An Apeman

What about this idea that we're just a paw print above the apes, and there's really not much that separates us. After all, we share 95% or more of our DNA with apes, right? Well, it has also been demonstrated that we share about half our genes with a banana, but facts like that don't mean much to Clubbers. They don't like you showing them examples like this: GOD IS NOW HERE and GOD IS NOWHERE share ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of the same letters, but have completely OPPOSITE meanings. Sharing 95% of something is meaningless, unless you have all the facts. And the facts are that sharing 95% of our genes with an ape means absolutely NOTHING because it's the interpretation and expression of that genetic material that makes us who we are, and apes who they are. It's more evolutionary stupidity to try to prove their point about our "relation" to chimp ancestors which, when all the facts are weighed, means nothing.

Just look at a few of the ways we're different from apes (or chimps, or whatever simian you want to choose as an evolutionist with a chip on your shoulder). I am going to be as sarcastic as possible here, as we follow the typical APE in his daily routine from dawn to dusk. Here goes,

Mr Apeman wakes up to the call of the alarm clock (which other apes invented). He gets up out of his warm, cozy bed, which has to have sheets and blankets on it, and be made of nice wood, turned on a lathe, stained, and polished. Apeman knows he doesn't have much time, so he shaves and takes a quick shower, then goes and makes himself a cup of coffee. Outside, he'll find his morning newspaper, with news about all the other Ape people all over the world. He likes being informed.

Mr Apeman then gets dressed smartly, as he's not married yet, and there's an Apewoman at the office whose attention he's trying to attract. Apeman gets in his car, which was, of course, invented by Apepeople much more intelligent than he, and drives to work. Before he gets there, his car hits another Apeman's car, and they have to exchange pleasantries, and insurance information. As we know, all Apepeople carry insurance.

Mr Apeman goes to an office, in an office building, in a city that was built by very smart Apemen. There he sits at his computer, and begins his day, just like all the other Apepeople in the city. He looks out the window and sees airplanes, helicopters, trains, cranes, cars, buses, Apepeople wearing all sorts of clothes, street sweepers, Apepeople carrying food they're eating, or briefcases, all sorts of Apepeople activities going on. Then Mr Apeman decides he wants to listen to some music, so he flips on a radio, invented by other Apepeople. He enjoys classical music, which requires a whole group of Apepeople to play together in harmony. Eventually Mr Apeman gets hungry. He decides to ask Apewoman out to lunch and they go to a nice restaurant, just like lots of Apepeople do every day, and sit in chairs, at a table, which is covered with a cloth, and has a candle in the middle. They also have glasses, plates, and silverware, and even napkins. Apepeople like to keep things clean, you see.

Apewoman has also dressed nicely. She was sure to comb her hair, brush her teeth, and put on makeup, as Apewomen do. Mr Apeman likes the way she looks. He's not just thinking that they need to have kids to advance evolution, but that he'd like to live in the same house with her, and share his life with her, and Apewoman is thinking the same. So, he asks her to marry him, she says yes, and they start planning a wedding.

Is this getting ridiculous? YOU BET. However, if you are still not aware of how different human beings are from apes, I'll be happy to continue. It is just plain STUPID to compare human beings with any supposed simian ancestors. Chuck Darwin Club members KNOW that; they just can't admit it.

And that's not the end of the stupidity. How many love songs, poems, ballads, and so on, have you read from the pen of a monkey? And just why do humans have to waste time on that stuff? Grab you a man or woman, have babies, and move on! Why all the courtship stuff, lovey-dovey candlelight dinners, gifts, rings, wedding banquets, and on and on? How did THAT evolve? And WHY? Things were procreating and getting along just fine WITHOUT all that stuff. Why did we need to add it? Oh, you can bet the Chuck Club will invent some answer. They HAVE to invent an answer, because if something exists or is done a certain way, we want to know why, so they have to invent a response. Go see your nearest evolutionary psychologist if you want to know why.

I know, I know. Apes can actually be artists, and can also COMMUNICATE! Well, I've seen my share of what is nowadays called "art" and it appears to me that some human artists are doing a better job of imitating their ape ancestors than vice versa. Know any apes who could paint the Sistine Chapel? Would you pay them to do so? And as far as "communicating," when I see an ape reading this book and then explaining to me what it's all about, then maybe you'll convince me. Apes pushing buttons for "yes" or "no" is not very impressive, especially if you have to FEED them every time they get the answer right. I know some kids who would be STARVING if their teachers used that method with them.

But monkeys and other animals DO use TOOLS, right? BONG! Wrong again.

CDC SECRET #14: IF A WORD DOESN'T WORK, BROADEN ITS MEANING.
Thus, if by "tool" most people understand a hammer, or a screwdriver, or a cordless drill, evolutionists simply include things like sticks and stones under the definition of "tool,", and another evolution problem is solved. That's not to say that a stick or stone can't be used LIKE a tool. For instance, lacking a gun (a real tool) with which to shoot me, some of you would be satisfied with stoning me instead. You would be using a stone LIKE a tool. But a stone is NOT a tool, in the every day understanding of the word. If an otter uses a rock to break an oyster shell, is it using a "tool" or is it just using a rock to break an oyster shell, and COULDN'T CARE LESS what it's called? Which brings to mind some other items...

First, why do we humans always have to attach some human behavior meaning to the actions of all the other animals? Now, in some cases, it may seem logical, like with courtship displays that lead to having babies. But if two male animals are playing around, all of a sudden they're exhibiting "homosexual behavior"? Or is it that we're just seeing what we WANT to see in their behavior, to try to justify our own? Homosexual behavior, from a strictly evolutionary standpoint, makes absolutely no sense. First, why did the goddesses Mother Nature and Time invent sex if we could procreate without it? We can't? Then what sense does homosexual behavior make from an evolutionary standpoint? None.

Second, if men were meant to sleep with men and women with women, then why didn't the goddesses Mother Nature and Time just make us hermaphrodites? Then we wouldn't need each other at all, and we humans would have been spared all this arguing and societal conflict about the issue. On the other hand, if we're just evolved chemicals, then who's to say any sexual behavior is right or wrong? Why not have sex with the apes down at the zoo if you feel the urge? And swap wives or husbands. And feed your daughters to the raging teen hormone lions. If you're an evolutionist, and you REALLY believe what you SAY you believe, and you argue that certain sexual behaviors are somehow "wrong," then you are nothing less than a hypocrite, because you're not practicing what you preach.

Back to the oyster shells. Now, if you believe the Chuckie Dee wannabes of the world, "Mother Nature" "invented" oyster shells (for one example) to protect oysters. Well, WHAT THE HECK WERE THEY DOING FOR PROTECTION BEFORE THEY HAD SHELLS? And now that otters have figured out how to break the shells, a lotta good all that evolving did! Let's play, "invent the evolutionary reason for everything." What you're saying is that the PURPOSE of a shell is OBVIOUS, but HOW DID EVOLUTION KNOW THAT? Where are all the failed shell experiments in the fossil record? There AIN'T none. Not a one. Clams are clams, shrimp are shrimp, crabs are crabs. I've seen fossilized crabs, and they look just like the one I had for dinner a few weeks ago. I don't look at it and say, "Gee, it looks like a blob that's evolving into a crab." No, I look at it and say, "That's a CRAB!" And that's the same thing Chuckie Dee Clubbers do, but they imagine that it WAS a blob at one time, with no reason to do so. It's all in their imagination. And again, if they eat crabs, or fish, or whatever, we need to remind them that they're cannibals who are eating their ANCESTORS. Yuck!

And you know, if they're not eating their ancestors, or shooting them, or making clothes out of them, they're putting them in zoos. In London, at the Zoo, there was a cage in which humans were placed, and they were cavorting around like they were any other animals. This is taking evolutionary stupidity almost to its maximum level. I say "almost" because I'm sure someone will one-up the London Zoo sooner or later. But at least the zoo people were not being hypocrites, and were living up to (or down from might be better) their beliefs. Except that the human zoo specimens were clothed, and smiled at the zoo patrons, who were much happier to have paid to see these nice, "favoured race" folks behind bars, than to go to a prison and pay to see the folks there who are behind bars, who would likely not be quite as friendly, as they're not being paid to do what they do.

I almost forgot the shrew. You know, that little mousy thing with a cute nose that moves around like a tiny elephant's trunk? Well that was your MAMA, and I'll bet you didn't know it. If you did, and you believe it, then shame on you. Yes, the lowly little shrew evolved into all the land mammals we've ever known, according to Darwinists. Now, don't ask why we still have shrews around, and why they all didn't keep evolving, and why they're not evolving now. You see, the fact that not ALL things evolved, but some stayed just like they were millions of years ago is one of the conveniences of evolution. OBVIOUSLY some shrews became people, and OBVIOUSLY some stayed just like they were – AS SHREWS, DUMMY! Can't you see that some of them turned into people and some didn't? You can't? Well, then we need to indoctrinate you more.

Chapter 18: Not in MY School, You Don't!

Brainwashing and Political Correctness are definitely two of the hallmarks of membership in the Chuck Darwin Club. Do you DARE to question Darwin in the classroom? I think not! The little demons of Darwinian darkness will come after you with their pitchforks. You can question GOD. God is big enough to handle it. But question DARWIN? We don't do such things. Not in our schools, and certainly not in our universities. We're too SMART to question Evolutionism. We KNOW evolution is a fact, so why do we need to question it, right? If something doesn't make sense, just take it by faith that you don't have enough eductation to understand it. "Gould said it. I believe it. That does it." If you upset the boat by asking too many questions, your teachers, who usually don't know how to answer your questions and need a quick "out" will either brand you as one of those pesky "creationists" or say something like "you're not a scientist" and that's why you don't understand. What they can't see, and what they can't admit, is that they have been brainwashed into believing what they believe. And for the brainwashed, it's easier to NOT ask questions. After all, if you're comfortable, why bother having your beliefs threatened? You don't need to find out that yet one more thing you believe isn't true. Is anything sacred any more? Sure! DARWINISM IS!

And don't dare acknowledge your doubts in public, as more and more scientists and others are doing. You'll be branded by the Chuckie Dee PC squad before you can say "punctuated equilibrium." After all, they have their religion to protect. Not to mention their jobs and reputations. And only stupid people recognize that evolution is stupid, right? Wait a minute... let me think about that...

DON'T LET THEM INTIMIDATE YOU! You KNOW that evolution can't be true. You KNOW it. Come out and admit it! As I've said before, I don't care what else you believe, but if you really believe evolution, I can only conclude that you have not THOUGHT about it at all. If you HAVE thought about it, then there is no way you can really believe that it's true, and it's time to just come out and admit it. If you believe evolution, you're believing (and perhaps even defending) something that you KNOW is not true, and you know CAN'T be true. So stop being a coward, and come out and say it.

You can send me your thoughts and opinions at Feedback@EvolutionIsStupid.com, and if your feedback is worth posting (that is, if it contains appropriate language and demonstrates genuine thinking that would be edifying to other readers), whether or not you agree with me, I'll post it. No doubt there will be some hot discussion, and it's open to all. What I want is people who will present arguments, pictures, or other information that demonstrates the stupidity of evolution, in the hopes that eventually many who are sitting on the fence, waiting for others to make the first step, will get down off the fence on the side of truth, and simply admit that evolution is bankrupt. Many of you have had experiences and have stories that should be told. We want to hear from you.

Thank you,

John Verderame

Fall, 2005